FINDING SELF LOVE
Something that many people do not know about me is that I suffer from a severe anxiety disorder - I have become very good and hiding it and most the time people mistake my anxiety for me being rude, shy or a plain old bitch. In a lot of social situations I tend to come across as quiet but most the time it is just because I am anxious and am afraid of judgement.
Over the years through seeing psychologists and psychiatrists I have learnt what triggers these overwhelming feelings and how to best control and manage them.
Even though there are many reasons for my anxiety the underlying cause has always been a fear of judgement by others, my lack of confidence and the self hate I had for myself, my body and my appearance.
I have come a very long way over the years and I believe it is because of the help from my psychologist who taught me how to practice self love.
Here are some techniques I use to to find and believe in the voice of self love and block out the one of self hate.
TELL YOUR SELF SOMETHING YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF EACH DAY AND WRITE IT DOWN:
Every day stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself something you love about being you! It doesn't always have to be physical it can be any great quality you believe you have.
Get yourself a diary and every time you think about something you like about your self write it down. When you're feeling bad about yourself and those voices of self hate are coming back take a look and remind your self of why you can love yourself.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AND WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE:
Once my therapist said asked me what would be more important to me when I die - whether people remembered me for the way I looked or remembered me for the type of person I was? This really stuck with me - I would much prefer to be remembered as a good person rather than a good looking person.
When all is said and done appearance does not and should not define you or your life.
What do you want your life to stand for? Do you want to be some one who inspires others, some one who is a teacher, some one who is an adventurer or someone who loves to help or care for others. Find reasons to have self worth that are not about your appearance and you will find that you have a lot more reasons to love your self.
Personally, I want to be a person who inspires and teaches others.
BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU AND DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS:
My favourite quote of all time is - "The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday."
Always remember that everyone is different and everyone is special in their own way, including yourself. Do not compare your self to others or worry about what others are doing - this is only going to cause stress as it is IMPOSSIBLE to be any one but your self. Stop worrying about being as skinny, muscly, toned, tanned or as pretty as someone else and just make sure you are doing everything you can to be the best version of YOU everyday.
Remember those people that you aim to be have their own insecurities - no one is perfect! (even if they try to portray themselves to be on social media!)
DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM THOSE WHO BRING YOU DOWN:
Don't waste your time, your life or your stress on those who bring you down. Know your worth and stand up for yourself. Whether its a boyfriend, so called friend or employer - do not waste your life being brought down by others - most the time these people are facing their own battles and insecurities and are trying to bring you down with them and other times they are just plain jealous. Cut ties with these people and move on.
Surround yourself with those who support, love and encourage you. Life is also not a competition so don't let those who try to compete bring you down.
DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY EVERYDAY:
Whether its going for a walk, the gym, bike riding, reading a book, cooking or meditating - find something that makes you smile and do it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! If you feel happy you are more likely to enjoy being you.
For me it is and always has been exercising - I love to train in the gym or exercise outdoors.
LEARN TO HAVE A VOICE OF SELF LOVE
Any time you have those thoughts of self hate about yourself or your body find a voice of self love or rational and speak those thoughts out loud.
For example when I hear those thoughts of self hate telling me I'm not good enough I remind myself of all the good things I have in my life and why I am lucky to be me.
This one takes work and is a skill that you will develop over time as at first the voice of self hate is so much stronger than the voice of self love.
FIND A MANTRA AND STICK TO IT
Find yourself a life mantra and stick to it through everything.
My personal life mantra is "This too shall pass." So anytime I'm feeling anxious, bad, upset or I'm in a situation that scares me I repeat this over and over in my head to remind myself that these feelings can and will pass.
Last but not least I want you all to think about the type of woman you want your daughter to be or the type of person you want your son to marry and then go be that person.
I want my daughter to be strong, caring, independent, thoughtful, confident and full of self love.
Please feel free to comment on my Instagram or DM me with any questions or feedback.
I hope I have helped at least one person to try to find some self love because everyone deserves it. xx