LET'S TALK: Skinny Girl Body Shaming and REAL bodies.
Let's talk skinny girl body shaming and the popular term of being "real"...
This is something I've wanted to talk about for a long time now but never really knew how to put it in words but mainly because I am fearful of backlash as I am a "skinny" girl complaining about body shaming but I feel so strongly about this that I have to try.
Before you go any further please know this is not directed at any individual or directed at those who are proud of their curves or those women who are super fit, strong and toned -it's more directed at trying to make a change in the way we judge people purely based on their size and that incurable desire we have to obtain a body that looks a certain way even if that look is not possible for us. I probably still don't know how to write this, but hang with me as I try to say what I want to say.
To me it feels like there has been this shift in body shaming and if you're a slim, skinny or small woman then you are either not "real" or your body is not socially accepted these days because you don't have the curves or the big peach butt and six pack abs. If you "bounce" back quickly, aren't left with stretch marks or excess weight after having a baby or you have a fit body and are proud it that it is "unrealistic" and not "real life".
There are slogans everywhere like "strong is the new skinny" but to me these are just as dangerous as the previous message that was that you had to be skinny to be beautiful because these type of messages are directly targeting a group of women and their body shape saying that if you are a "thin" or "skinny" that your body is not acceptable.
But anyway what is real? Seriously, I am so beyond over hearing that word been thrown around ... Aren't we all real? Real humans, breathing, living, raising our children and doing what we see as best for ourselves - we all have feelings, emotions and insecurities whether you're a size 6 or 26. Just because someone is a certain body shape or type doesn't have the same body as yours that doesn't suddenly make them any less "real".
Just because something is not realistic for your body or life that it's not for someone else, everything is relative to your personal situation and in many cases it comes down to your genetics. Skinny women are real, muscly women are real, curvy women are real, larger women are real, ALL women are REAL!
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't use someone else's body shape or lifestyle choices as a way to shame them in to thinking there is something wrong with them or that they shouldn't be proud of who they are. Don't use others bodies and their size to justify your own feelings towards your body. Instead, if you are not happy with your body use it as motivation to learn self love, learn how to be kinder to yourself and make some positive , healthy lifestyle choices and if you are happy with your own body be proud of it without shaming somebody else.
I can remember when I first had Millie people would constantly ask me "did you even have a baby" or "what's wrong with you, why are you so skinny when you just had a baby?". I would always feel like I had to justify my body to others or explain my situation and I started thinking there was something wrong with me and at that time I was extremely fragile and going through a lot both mentally and physically with my health. To be honest before I had a baby I didn't realise being slim after birth was so astonishing to others.
Even now for some reason as soon as some one comments on how "skinny" or slim I am or asks me questions about my size I automatically feel the need to justify explain myself to others, but why? These days when I walk in to the gym I have been feeling super insecure because I don't have the big muscles, big booty or skinny waist that is currently on trend in the "fitness" world but I continually remind myself that for me that is not my body shape and although those women are gorgeous I shouldn't be striving to achieve the look of someone else's body instead I should be striving to be the best version of myself physically and mentally.
Does it even matter what your body looks like? Is it really any body else's business?
Just because you're a size 6 or "skinny" don't think it excludes you from being bullied. Over the last year I have been trolled countless times over my appearance. I've been called "disgusting", "anorexic" asked "what's wrong with you? Your baby is fatter than you." I have been told I am a "bad role model" to my child (because of my body), told to "go and eat a burger" or that my post baby body is "unrealistic".
People have also attacked me so personally saying things like "how can somebody with an eating disorder be promoting fitness?" And the most recent tirade of comments (which has inspired this blog) telling me I am a bad role model to women because I "clearly" have an eating disorder myself and that I should be ashamed of myself.
Hmmmm, yes I actually have had an eating disorder which I spent a long time working on myself to overcome which is in no way reflection of my body but anyway..... Body shaming happens on both ends of the spectrum you don't have to be a larger woman to be body shamed.
And I know what you're thinking already.. "poor skinny girl problems" but that's not what this is about what I want to talk about is accepting every body literally every body's bodies and further than that let's stop focusing on others bodies in general, JUST BE YOU.
When you see that size 6 girl maybe she is just a small body type but it doesn't automatically mean that she starves herself or that she's not physically strong - size is not the only determining factor in strength.
When you see that fitness mum on Instagram don't automatically call her "unrealistic" because to her, her lifestyle is realistic - she works her arse of to have that amazing body and healthy mindset. Maybe her lifestyle doesn't suit yours or her body shape isn't the same as yours but she is still a real human.
The same goes for if you see a larger woman, maybe she too works hard at her fitness and you know what maybe she just loves her curves. WE ARE ALL REAL.
Let's all stop the comparisons, the judgement, the needing to justify our bodies and our appearances and let's instead embrace who we are as women - smart, creative, strong, kind and god damn amazing women who don't need to be defined by a size tag or body shape!
Love who YOU are and remember when it comes to others bodies "if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."